What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
