I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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