I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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