Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
