I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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