Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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