I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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