I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
