Dual....:-)
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
