Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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