I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
