hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
