if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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