I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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