Screwed.edu
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
