I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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