I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
What a dumb baby whore.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I am available for nakedness
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
