You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
