At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
