It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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