The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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