Come see our sink grown plant.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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