i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
