What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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