its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
