and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
