Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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