Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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