I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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