Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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