So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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