i just wanna soil my oats bro
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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