They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
