Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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