Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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