its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize