She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
