Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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