Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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