Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
