I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
