Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
