i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
