And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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