I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
