somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
