They should really pass out barf bags in church
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
