What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
