So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
