He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
