She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
